Alone

In what concerns you much, do not think that you have companions: know that you are alone in the world. ~ Henry David Thoreau

There is a place I seek to find,
To soothe my heart and rest my mind,
A place where I am not alone,
A sanctuary I can call home.

Today I've found my home in you,
A generous love that is so true,
Pure and honest from within,
The truth that I have never been.

I fight the fear that lives inside,
That makes me want to run and hide,
The fear of loss and of the pain,
It seems I'm loving you in vain.

I build the walls, I run away,
You reach to me and tell me stay.
The trust does grow but fear does cry,
"Don't open your heart, don't even try!"

No longer am I all alone.
In your arms I've found my home.
Please hold me close until I know,
I really didn't want to go.

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At Forty-Five

I found myself at forty-five
Released from all the ties that bind
Not just my heart, but in my mind
I found myself at forty-five

I love myself at forty-five
Know who I am, and why I cry
Know how to laugh and how to try
I love myself at forty-five

I live my life at forty-five
No longer do I need to hide
Or live behind the lies I’ve lied
I live my life at forty-five

I found love at forty-five
Not love of man, but all mankind
Love I thought I’d never find
I found love at forty-five

I know my heart at forty-five
I know my dreams deep inside
See who I am and fill with pride
I know my heart at forty-five

I want to live at forty-five
I want to learn, I want to thrive
I want to grow, not just survive
I want to live at forty-five

I found myself at forty-five
Finally free and so alive
My heart reborn, my soul revived
I found myself at forty-five

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Pain of Sin

I dreamed my Lover came to me and told me not to fear.

I dreamed my Father came to me and told me he was near.

I woke awash in moonlight knowing sunlight was my terror,

Because I felt that there was no forgiveness of my selfish error.

Put myself before all others was the crime I had committed.

The truth that lie inside my heart I had finally admitted,

By looking in my Lover's soul, he had harmed another.

Pushed passed the limits of right and wrong so we could be together.

The pleasure of the love we've shared served as my only Novocaine.

To numb the pain inside myself that had filled me with such great disdain.

I long to be released from the prison of my judgement,

But the longing to escape myself simply refuses to just relent.

I dreamed my Lover came to me and told me not fear.

I dreamed my Father came to me and told me he was near.

I want so badly to believe them and forgive all my wrongdoing.

It was not to harm, but to just to love, the goal I was pursuing.

But harm befell, and tears were shed and a heart cries out in vain,

And with every tear that's shed by her adds to the prison of my pain.

How can I look into the eyes of others and know that I've done right,

When I wake awash with my deep guilt at the end of every night?

To be released from my own sin would be my greatest gift.

I know that this great burden is mine alone to lift.

I dreamed my Lover came to me and told me not to fear.

I dreamed my Father came to me and told me he was near.

Today I will begin to tear away at this exacerbated pain,

And believe that all I've done has not been all in vain.

I need a shred of truth to hold to push forward and forgive.

I need to grasp the hand of God to believe that I should live.

Please reach for me Father, and forgive me for my sins.

Heal the break that allows the pain to seep from deep within.

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Free to Love

The lines between what what was right and what was wrong blurred the moment I met you. The things I had been taught, the things I taught myself, all changed when I felt your electricity. In your presence each belief I held about myself somehow changed, and the world became a confusing place.

I was taught not to trust. I was taught that love comes with conditions. I was taught that religion was to be held above spirituality, and that God would be angry if I faulted.

I believed I was destined to be alone in my heart and that love was only something I could feel for others, but no one could feel for me. I believed I was unworthy of happiness and peace. I believed that you would never come.

Then you did. And I felt it all in one moment. Every moment built upon the last, and every thought exchanged only deepened my desire to know you more. Your touch released a passion in me I never knew was there, and your kiss burned your spirit into my heart. You have penetrated my my soul with your being.

You broke down all of my boundaries, and I broke all of my rules to come to you. I have never been happier in my life than when I am with you. I have never felt so free to love. Even more, I have never felt so free to love myself. I belong to no one. I don't owe anything to anyone except to be the best human being I can be to everyone, equally. And the lie I have been living up until now was unfair; to everyone, but most of all, to myself.

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Everywhere

Drenched with thirst
For your kiss
To breathe your breath
To chew your words
And swallow them like chocolate
Smooth, sweet, satiating

Lust claws at me
From an unknown depth
Ravenous for your touch
Your hands,
Your mouth,
Your kiss,
Your tongue
To breathe your words into me

Listen
My heart is trembling
For your hands
To wash over me
Exploring my outside
Revealing me inside

Look into my eyes
Let me look into yours
I see the abyss of secrets
Thoughts, ideas, desires
Kiss me with your ideas
Breathe into me your dreams
Lick my tongue and taste my desire

Touch me everywhere

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Sing to me

I heard it in one word
You washed over me
As rain must hit the ground
As rivers to the sea

I heard not the words you said
I heard the sound you emanate
A song my soul had sung
My mind began to salivate

Sing more words
The way you do
Without a voice
They still come through
Sing to me
I hear your song
For your next verse
My heart does long

You love the words as I
Not spoken but in pen
They fill me deep inside
They flood me from within

Like your kiss
When you're inside
My mouth, my teeth
No where to hide
You feel me shake
You wear my skin
My body aches
Deep deep within

Sing your song
I long to view
Everything
Inside of you
Let me in
Your mind so deep
I want to hear
The songs you keep

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The Seedling

There is a little seedling
Hidden deep inside
This tiny piece of me
That I must keep inside

I keep her from the world
And hold her near my heart
Afraid to let her out
And just be torn apart

She never sees the sunlight
She never knows the rain
She never sees a smile
She never sees the pain

So pure and oh, so precious
I must keep her safe within
She never gets to grow
Her life cannot begin

You looked into my eyes
You saw into my heart
You tilled up all the soil
And gave my seedling a start

You touched her with your words
You touched her with your hands
You shined the sun upon her
You shared with her your land

Your smile gave her hope
To grow up to the sky
You gave back to me the faith
That I just have to try

She's growing toward the sun
She's gazing at the stars
She knows not what lies ahead
Or of the road so far

She grows because she must
She's pushing from inside
Her tiny little blossom
No longer can I hide

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