Wednesday, December 11, 2013

My Time of Dying

The Point of Entry to The Open Space
I sank into the bed after I told them goodbye. Christmas Eve of 2008 I died in the hospital in front of my then-husband and my daughter. I told them how hot I was getting, pulled the blankets away, began to feel groggy and somehow knew I was going.

"I love you. Take care of each other. . ."

Then I slipped away.

Before my body sank completely my soul pushed out of my chest cavity and sprung towards the clouds. The clouds were vibrant colors of orange, yellow, green and blue, flashing one color at a time. As the hum of a vibration I couldn't see changed pitch the clouds changed colors. In the center of the clouds was an opening, beyond which was The Open Space.

I was a vibration made up of three facets; a mixture of a particular tone, a consciousness and of light. The tone was my familiar pitch that I am and always have been. My consciousness was the reasoning, understanding, memory, emotions and comprehension that I've always known. My light was the essence of humanity I gained as a human being. I knew in that moment, free of my body, that I had always been the vibration, the pitch, the tone. But on my journey as a person I gained the consciousness and light.

I laughed at myself. It was all so hilarious how I had worried about all of the wrong things, cared about all of the inconsequential incidents that our days bring and all of the fears we fill ourselves with to feel real. This was real, and it was so funny how I knew it all along, yet spent so much time of my life pretending I didn't.

The opening in the clouds was coming closer and as I traveled toward it, I marveled at the clouds themselves, the puffs of gas that I had never seen before and how they worked in unison with the sound of the surrounding vibration. The gaseous clouds moved and rolled, but could barely be considered clouds by our concept of clouds as humans. These were so vibrant, alive and colorful; they seemed to be the fuel that propelled my soul of light into the next level of space.

The Open Space was far more vast than I have the ability to explain. It was limitless, but felt compact in some inexplicable way. The Open Space was the color of a reflection in a dark mirror, not a color that can be seen by human eyes, so there is no name for the color. Luminescent, vibrant, and alive, it was filled with a type of mist that moved freely, like droplets of moisture hanging in the air.

As my soul, the ball of sparkling light, was moving towards the opening, I could see countless other souls moving beyond the clouds to collect together. This was a combined consciousness, The Gathering we are all destined for. The warmth, welcoming and joy I felt was overwhelming and I found myself filled with gratitude. For a long moment I paused and basked in the gratitude, so pleased to feel safe, weightless, joyful and pain-free. It had been so long since I had been pain-free.

At the center of The Gathering was much like a sun, but instead of the rays of light moving away from the star, The Gathering was all of the souls of light coming into it. I had an understanding come over me that when the appropriate number of souls reached The Gathering, it would implode with gravity and create a new consciousness.

I was heading toward The Gathering when suddenly, my journey was over. Pulled backwards I slammed back into my thick, painful, heavy body and opened my eyes to see my daughter weeping before me.


  1. This story gives me hope.I am so glad you came back.Thank you for sharing.

  2. Oh, Tina...this brought many tears to my eyes. Thank you for sharing such an intimate experience. Like Michelle, I too am glad you came back, although I'm sure having "tasted" the other side, it must be really difficult to have to experience the pain and struggles here. Surrender is for sure what it's all about, but sometimes I think our tenacity to hold on is far greater than our ability to let go! At least that's what I keep working on! I love you, Tina.


About Sash

People call me "Sash" because I'm a former beauty queen in my old home town. My father used to ride in an MC which got me interested in the culture. After my last divorce I said "goodbye" to Susie Homemaker and became the naughty, biker chick I always felt inside. (Read more...)