Today

Life’s not what’s supposed to happen. If life is anything, it’s just today. It’s not the plans we make for ourselves and what we expect to happen. It’s now. It’s today.

I find that I keep seeing down the road, only to find that it's an apparition. Like the heat floating on the asphalt, giving the illusion of something that's not there. I believe in something I think I see, only to drive along and find it was never really there.

Perhaps I saw what I wanted to see, not what truly lie ahead. Perhaps I saw what I feared, creating my own hell. Either way, what I saw was only fallacy, because we can't look into tomorrow. There is only today. Tomorrow is a figment of our imagination, every time.

To be blindsided only proves that I had expectations.

To be disappointed only proves I had a preconceived idea, one that was inaccurate.

I had no business looking ahead. Today is all there is. Right now.

Right now I don't feel anything. Right now I am numb. Right now I don't want to try anymore. Right now I am building the walls back where they were, where I am safe, where no one can come in. Right now I know that my heart is broken.

I'm going to sleep now, and I'm no longer counting on tomorrow. Tomorrow may never come.