Demons From My Past

Darkness consumed my heart,
Clouded my mind
The isolation of neglect
Had seated in my heart
So deep, for so long,
That I knew no love
Of love I longed to be a part.

I longed to feel your touch
In my soul,
Not just upon my skin
To hear your song with
Not ears but love
To believe it true deep within

I had been alone so long
I didn't see
Sabotaging my own happiness,
They say
Couldn't let your love in
Standing in my own way

In the darkness I found Hell
Cast away the demons from my past
Today is a new day, full of tomorrows
Today I know that love can last

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A Thousand Miles

A thousand miles from home
You took yourself away
How was I to tell you
That I wanted you to stay

If what I feel is love
Then it seems I never knew
What love could be and
What there was that's true

I have lied so long
That now I am so scared
That it's my heart you've touched
And my soul that I have bared

The trust it comes
And then it goes
The fear subsides
And then it grows

A thousand miles away
You come to me today
What would make you come
So far for you to say?

A thousand miles I've come
So many more to go

A thousand miles, a thousand miles, a thousand miles I know.

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Today

Life’s not what’s supposed to happen. If life is anything, it’s just today. It’s not the plans we make for ourselves and what we expect to happen. It’s now. It’s today.

I find that I keep seeing down the road, only to find that it's an apparition. Like the heat floating on the asphalt, giving the illusion of something that's not there. I believe in something I think I see, only to drive along and find it was never really there.

Perhaps I saw what I wanted to see, not what truly lie ahead. Perhaps I saw what I feared, creating my own hell. Either way, what I saw was only fallacy, because we can't look into tomorrow. There is only today. Tomorrow is a figment of our imagination, every time.

To be blindsided only proves that I had expectations.

To be disappointed only proves I had a preconceived idea, one that was inaccurate.

I had no business looking ahead. Today is all there is. Right now.

Right now I don't feel anything. Right now I am numb. Right now I don't want to try anymore. Right now I am building the walls back where they were, where I am safe, where no one can come in. Right now I know that my heart is broken.

I'm going to sleep now, and I'm no longer counting on tomorrow. Tomorrow may never come.

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Asking for Myself

I never knew that I could ask for something for myself.
My needs were met by me alone, often pushed back on a shelf.

You rode away, my heart broke; I didn't know where you were headed,
And if that journey led back to me, or if our love you had regretted.

How was I to tell you just how badly that I needed you,
To hold me close and reassure that your love for me is really true.

I don't know how to believe in another human being.
I don't know in my heart that believing is seeing.

To ask for something for myself seems so damned selfish!
But I know no other way to relieve the prison of my anguish.

All I can offer to you is the truth that lies inside,
I promised you I would ask before I run and hide.

So here I am asking for you to hold me tight,
I have to ask, I have to ask,
even if asking isn't right.

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Goodbye

Through my tears I see that I
Must learn how to say Goodbye
Goodbye is just about letting go
Tied up with a different bow
It's so hard to make a moment last
When life is flying by so fast
The words escape me when I try
To fight the tears to say. . . Goodbye.

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Let Go

He pulled me close with his right arm, my head against his chest.

Thumpa, thumpa, thumpa. . . his heart beat began to quicken. The excitement was most likely from thoughts of the trip he was taking.

Thumpa, thumpa, thumpa. . . remaining still, in hopes that he would hold me until he felt ready to break away, not because he felt me stir.

Thumpa, thumpa, thumpa. . . fighting back the tears, trying to remain in the moment, as I knew it wouldn't last.

Thumpa, thumpa, thumpa. . . soaking in his scent, feeling the strength of his body, his grip, his muscular hands.

Thumpa, thumpa, thumpa. . . pushing away the thoughts of the impending pain of missing him so.

Thumpa, thumpa, thumpa. . . his hands begin to stroke my back, and I know that this means he's ready to let go.
Let go.

I have to let go.

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Skin

Consumed in scent of musky air

Deep in folds of tender skin

My buried face, my heart enthralled

Of ecstasy from deep within

Your thunderous roar of slumber groans

From throat to room to ear

But buried in your neck I find

I cannot be too near

Longing stirs even though

The love we made still lingers

Upon my thighs, deep inside,

With scent upon my fingers

Your skin beckons touch, sublime

To resist I am unable

Though full I find that I cannot

Push myself back from the table

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Alone

In what concerns you much, do not think that you have companions: know that you are alone in the world. ~ Henry David Thoreau

There is a place I seek to find,
To soothe my heart and rest my mind,
A place where I am not alone,
A sanctuary I can call home.

Today I've found my home in you,
A generous love that is so true,
Pure and honest from within,
The truth that I have never been.

I fight the fear that lives inside,
That makes me want to run and hide,
The fear of loss and of the pain,
It seems I'm loving you in vain.

I build the walls, I run away,
You reach to me and tell me stay.
The trust does grow but fear does cry,
"Don't open your heart, don't even try!"

No longer am I all alone.
In your arms I've found my home.
Please hold me close until I know,
I really didn't want to go.

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