Not Family

There never seemed to be a place,
Where I fit into the fold.
Always seemed to be so odd,
Didn't fit the mold.

Wanted to be included,
Wanted to belong,
Didn't want to be different,
Didn't want to be wrong.

They stood behind a barrier,
Separated far from me,
One I couldn't transcend,
One I couldn't even see.

"You're not part of us,
And to be, you never will."
It hurt me so much then.
It hurts me so much still.

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He Never Set Foot In The House

I remember. . .


The sidewalks were all broken,
Under heavy branches of green trees,
Geraniums grew in every yard,
Yes, that's where you left me.

Your truck parked at the sidewalk,
I thought you had come at last,
To free me from her prison,
In which I'd been cast.

Your truck was God's own chariot,
Meant to carry me away,
But instead you took my brothers,
And told me I must stay.

I begged and pleaded with you,
"She hurts me all the time!
I'll be a good girl Daddy!
Please make your home mine."

You promised you'd come back for me,
Tried to tell me why you came,
Told me she wouldn't let me go,
And how you loved me just the same.

You drove your truck down shady streets,
And left me in that Hell.
I learned that no one cared what she did,
There was no one I could tell.

If my mother hates me so much,
And my father doesn't care,
I must not be worth anything.
Why did God even put me here?

You never came back for me.
She ruined my life with hate.
I'll never love and trust again.
It was useless for me to wait.

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Essence of Home

What I have found in you
When I bathe deep in your eyes
Are songs it seems I knew
And stars from other skies

You and I must be
Descendants of the same
Children of the sun
Yet, born of different names

We touch our mother earth
With toes of tortured skin
We breathe our father sky
Who’s living deep within

I feel you brush your fingertips
Across my soul, sublime
With the essence of our people
Separated over time

The present is part of our past and our lives transcend visual reality. ~ Sidney “TK” Yee

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You Spoke My Name

You spoke my name,
I heard the hum,
Of a love
Still yet to come.

I saw your eyes,
I knew it true,
That it was I,
God meant for you.

Hold me still,
I'll lead the way,
And show you how,
To love today.

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Hold Me Tight

Hold me tightly in your arms,
And teach me how to trust.
Hold me tighter when I struggle,
And squeeze me if you must!

Don't let me fight against you,
Don't let me pull away.
Where I want to be is with you,
Please just make me stay!

The fight lives deep inside me,
The struggle is not with you.
It's the anger that she filled me with,
And the Child I once knew.

My Child needs you to hold her,
And teach her that you care.
My Child loves the Child in you,
Our Children are a pair.

Let that fear and venom leave me,
Set the fight from my heart free!
Let me find when this is over,
That you're still holding me.

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Motorcycle Ride

The wheels roll underneath me,
Engine rumbles, landscape flies,
The road opens out before us,
Clouds dot gray winter skies.

Wind roars through my helmet,
Deafening all sound outside my head.
I hear my soul singing through,
Past tears I once had shed.

Feel the hurt of old wounds,
Then the rush of your body, hard,
Pressed up against my open soul,
Soothing all which had been scarred.

In chaos I hear nothing,
But the whispers of last night,
Your heavy breath of lustful passion,
Sends my heart in blissful flight.

I squeeze you ever tighter,
You pull the throttle closer still,
My life abandoned to you,
My essence at your will.

The rush of air envelopes me,
And washes out my sighs,
From memories of love we made,
Still wet between my thighs.

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Another Nightmare

I dreamed of my mother last night. She had me in her grasp, and the look on her face was so sinister. Filled with terror, I was limp, unable to move or fight, as she held 5 long hat pins against my left cheek, ready to plunge them into me.

"I love the way this feels," she spewed, with a chilling smile.

I knew what she meant. The authority, the control, the ability to cause harm satisfied her need to be powerful.

Somehow, my arms came back to life again. I knocked all of the pins from her hands but one. I took the remaining pin from her, and shoved it into her face, to protect myself. I wanted to get her off of me, to run, to get away. As I pulled it from her, her smile widened.

"You're just like me. You enjoyed that. You're filled with my venom."

To be like her is my greatest fear. I want something so different for my life, yet cannot find a way to be rid of the fear, the hate, and the anger. When crossed, I become hateful and obsessively plot revenge. It eats away at me. When I don't follow through with the acts my conscience is eased over time, but holding my anger back is painful. If I follow through, I hate myself instead.

I want to be free.

As I stood before her, with her blood on my hands, I became sick inside. Waking, I sat up in bed, feeling the vomit rising in my throat, and began to cry.

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